To Do Or Not To Do? Is that the Illusion?
by Professor Marauderette
Summary: Would she hear me, if I called her name? Would she hold me, if she knew my shame? James/Lily. Rated M for depressing actions, which are told, and for language.


**A/N: Okay, here is my second time trying to write a story. Well actually this is my first time writing a one-shot, but who cares, eh? Anyway, I hope most of the people that read this like it. It's not my best or my worst, but please no FLAMES because last time I had a flame I deleted the story. Yeah, that's how sensitive I am. Well this one-shot IS NOT BETA-ED. I NEED A BETA. Anybody willing to volunteer please PM me. Also, I know this is an out of character type story, but I like these kind of stories, so...yeah. Please Read and Review.**

_Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever, own The Great Harry Potter series. That belongs to Ms. J.K. Rowling. Neither do I own the songs 'Tears Don't Fall' or 'Hold On'. The first one belongs to Bullet for My Valentine and the second one belongs to Good Charlotte._

Summary: James sees Lily in a state of depression on Christmas Break. He hears her calls for someone, and her tears that don't fall. All he wants to do is help, but decides against it and play with his band instead. Will Lily hear his song about her?

_**James' POV**_

I, James Bryon Potter, meandered the halls thinking about the one girl that's always on my mind. Lily Michelle Evans. I'm not really enjoying this break either. Let's see how much has gone on in the past few days of break. Lily has yelled at me each day. Peter is away with his mum. Sirius is fooling around too much; he just needs to grow up. Remus is…well reading like always. Lily just sees me as a prat. I sighed and returned to walking toward the Gryffindor Common Room.

Once there I sighed again and said, "Giggles." The portrait of the fat lady nodded and swung open. No one was in the Gryffindor Tower except Lily, Sirius, Remus, Alice, Frank, and me. Well, anyway I walked into the common room and headed for the boy's dorm, but once I was on the sixth step I heard a sob. Slowly, I turned around and saw the red haired beauty, Lily Evans. "Gosh, she is amazingly gorgeous. Wait, why is she crying?" I thought to myself.

Quickly I listened to her sobbing voice. "Why God? Why do I have to go through this? Why am I so alone? Why can't I just find one boy who will prove to me that they are not all the same?" she asked to no one in particular. I sighed once again and instantly a battle started in my head.

_Go to her, this is your chance._

**No I must not go to her, or she will just be angered by my presence.**

_No she is crying, which means she is vulnerable._

**No I will not use Lily. I am going to go upstairs and practice a song I heard on the radio.**

_Prat._

**So are you.**

I headed up the steps, quietly. Upon entering the sixth year boy's dorm I saw Sirius setting up the drums, Remus putting his guitar strap on his Les Paul, and Frank staring at Peter's bass. "You play Frank," I asked, amused. Slowly, Frank nodded. "Well, take it because we need to play a song. You do know how to play, right?" All of a sudden I heard footsteps on the stairs, but thought nothing of as Frank answered me.

"I can play any song you name." Frank replied. Frank got up from the bed and headed towards Peter's bass. He picked it up and put the strap around his neck. "So, what song are we going to play?" he asked.

"I heard it on the radio," I began. "It's called 'Tears Don't Fall', by Bullet for My Valentine. It's amazing. Have you heard it?"

Frank nodded and smiled, "I listen to it all the time, and I know how to play it."

I walked over and picked up my Ebony Firebird guitar. "Excellent," I stated, "Ok ay let's play."

_**Lily's POV**_

I sat in the Gryffindor common room trying to listen to see if anyone was in the whole Gryffindor Tower. My best friend, Alice, just left for and important family matter and I just broke down. Here I am sobbing like there is no tomorrow. Suddenly, I hear the voice of James Potter and I growl. Well, at least he'll give me company. I smiled and headed up the boy's dormitory. I stopped at the sixth year's boys' dorm and saw the door open. I watched as the scene unfolded in front of me.

"I can play any song you name, "Frank called. I watched my best friend's boyfriend get up from his bed and head over to an instrument. I watched in amusement as the tall, lanky boy grab the instrument, I guess it was a type of guitar, and pull the strap over his head. "So what song are we going to play?" he asked.

James answered him with, "I heard it on the radio. It's called 'Tears Don't Fall', by Bullet for My Valentine. It's amazing. Have you heard it?"

I saw Frank nod and smile, while saying, "I listen to it all the time, and I know how to play it." Now I looked at the entire group. I saw Sirius sitting on a stool in front of a drum set, Remus pulling a strap over his head on a guitar I guess, and James walking over to pick up a guitar, again I guess.

"Excellent," James stated," let's play."

_**James' POV**_

I started playing my guitar and then I started singing.

**Let's go!**

**With blood shot eyes, I watch you sleeping**

**The warmth I feel beside me is slowly fading**

**Would she hear me, if I called her name?**

**Would she hold me, if she knew my shame?**

**There's always something different going wrong**

**The path I walk is in the wrong direction**

**There's always someone fucking hanging on**

**Can anybody help me make things better?**

**Your tears don't fall, they crash around me**

**Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home**

**Your tears don't fall, they crash around me**

**Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home**

**The moments died, I hear no screaming**

**The visions left inside me are slowly fading**

**Would she hear me, if I called her name?**

**Would she hold me, if she knew my shame?**

**There's always something different going wrong**

**The path I walk is in the wrong direction**

**There's always someone fucking hanging on**

**Can anybody help me make things better?**

**Your tears don't fall, they crash around me**

**Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home**

**Your tears don't fall, they crash around me**

**Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home**

**Ow Yeah**

**This battered room I've seen before**

**The broken bones they heal no more, no more**

**With my last breath I'm choking**

**Will this ever end I'm hoping**

**My world is over one more time**

**Let's go!**

(enter guitar solo)

**Would she hear me, if I called her name?**

**Would she hold me, if she knew my shame?**

**There's always something different going wrong**

**The path I walk is in the wrong direction**

**There's always someone fucking hanging on**

**Can anybody help me make things better?**

**Your tears don't fall, they crash around me**

**Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home**

**Your tears don't fall, they crash around me (tears don't fall)**

**Her conscious calls, the guilty to come (conscience calls)**

**Better!**

**Your tears don't fall, they crash around me**

**Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home (conscience calls)**

By the time the song ended, I could feel the sweat pouring down my face. I glanced at the

others and saw them sweaty as well. "Damn Prongs, that guitar solo was fucking amazing!" Sirius announced. Remus and Frank put in their agreements as well.

I nodded and asked, "Want to play another song?" They nodded greedily. "Okay guys, this song is a bit different. Ya'll know how to play Good Charlotte's 'Hold On' song?" They nodded and I stated, "Okay let's play that one."

**This world  
This world is cold  
But you don't  
You don't have to go  
You're feeling sad, you're feeling lonely, and no one seems to care  
Your mother's gone and your father hits you  
This pain you cannot bear**

**But we all bleed the same way as you do  
And we all have the same things to go through**

**Hold on if you feel like letting go  
Hold on it gets better than you know**

**Your days  
You say they're way too long  
And your nights  
You can't sleep at all  
Hold on  
And you're not sure what you're waiting for, but you don't want to know more  
And you're not sure what you're looking for, but you don't want to know more**

**But we all bleed the same way as you do  
And we all have the same things to go through**

**Hold on if you feel like letting go  
Hold on it gets better than you know  
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer  
Don't stop searching, it's not over  
Hold on**

**What are you looking for?  
What are you waiting for?  
Do you know what you're doing to me?  
Go ahead...What are you waiting for?**

**Hold on if you feel like letting go  
Hold on it gets better than you know  
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer  
Don't stop searching, it's not over  
Hold on if you feel like letting go  
Hold on it gets better than you know  
Hold on**

"James why did you want us to play that song?" Frank asked me.

"Frank," I sighed. "I guess I should tell you. Lily is the reason I wanted to sing that song. Ever since the beginning of this year I have wanted to commit suicide." I heard gasps from both inside and outside of the rooms. "With every rejection came pain, emotionally and physically. My heart was and still is breaking into two pieces and my arm."

I turned to walk out the door, but I saw the door open and the red haired beauty, Lily Evans, with tears tracks on her face and the tears still falling. "J-Jam-James," she stuttered. I glanced into her eyes and saw hurt, concern, comfort, and love, was it? "What's wrong with your arm James?" she asked, still sobbing.

Two hands landed on my back, so I turned my head and saw Sirius and Remus. They both nodded and my story began.

"Well, at the beginning of the year I already had started cutting my wrist. I know it's stupid and dumb, but I did it to make my heartache go away. Well, when I saw you on the train and asked you out I already knew rejection was about to start. So when you said no, I told Sirius and Remus that I had to use the loo, and that I would be at the compartment in a minute. Well, Remus knew I was going to do something drastic because I never had before. So when I was in the loo I started grazing the knife blade across my arm and a small red mark appeared on my arm, so I sliced a little harder. Well Remus can smell blood from a mile away, and he smelt mine. "At this point, all of us had tears on our face. So I continued, "Well Remus found me and he asked why and I told him because I had problems with Lily and he left it at that and we haven't spoken about it until now."

Lily was sobbing, but when she looked up at me she jumped into my arms and cried into my shoulder all the while saying, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I muttered, "It's okay love, it's okay."

**_A/N: Remeber people, if you read my one-shot I will post another story on here. PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! I'll give you cookies and brownies. =D_**

TheDeadPoet993


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